Pages from My Journal | A Book lesson I have carried since 2014
In 2014, while pursuing my MBA in Human Resources, our Counselling professor asked us to read Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman.
I expected to study a topic. Instead, I discovered a new way of reading.
Until then, academic reading meant syllabus books—chapters, theories, diagrams, examinations, and marks. This book showed me that a psychologist’s research and observations could help me understand not only a subject, but also people, relationships, and myself.
The title immediately fascinated me. We had always heard about IQ, but what was EI? Could understanding emotions also be considered a form of intelligence?
The Book in Brief
Emotional Intelligence explains that knowledge and intellectual ability alone do not guarantee success, happiness, healthy relationships, or good decisions.
Our lives are also shaped by how well we:
- Understand our emotions
- Manage our reactions
- Remain motivated through setbacks
- Recognise what others may be feeling
- Build and manage relationships
The encouraging lesson is that these abilities can be nurtured through awareness, reflection, and practice.
The Strength I Recognised
The most important word I discovered in the book was empathy—the ability to understand another person’s feelings by considering a situation from their perspective.
The book did not create empathy within me. It gave a name to something I already carried.
At that stage, I was still searching for my professional direction. I knew I enjoyed listening to people, understanding their concerns, advising them, and helping them find clarity—but I had not connected these qualities with a career.
Recognising empathy as one of my natural strengths helped me see a possible direction. It became part of the reason I started my professional journey as an advisor in the education sector and later continued supporting people through career conversations.
How It Influences My Professional Life
Empathy reminds me that a question often contains more than its words.
Someone asking, “Is this the right career for me?” may be afraid of making the wrong decision. Someone questioning whether they can manage a programme may actually be struggling with confidence.
My role is not only to provide information. It is to understand the person before offering guidance.
My professional takeaway is simple:
Understand before advising. Listen before responding. Recognise the person before solving the problem.
How I Apply It Personally
In personal relationships, empathy encourages me to pause before judging someone’s reaction. Irritation may come from stress. Silence may come from hurt. A difficult response may be hiding fear or exhaustion.
Understanding someone does not mean agreeing with everything or ignoring my own feelings. Empathy also needs boundaries.
Another practice I took from the book is to work with one emotion at a time:
Notice → Name → Pause → Choose
What am I feeling? What triggered it? Do I need to respond immediately? Which response will be helpful rather than impulsive?
I still have this book, along with the passages I highlighted and the journal pages I wrote in 2014. Whenever I reread them, the words carry a slightly different meaning because the book has remained the same—but I have changed.
Some books help us understand a subject.
A few help us understand ourselves.
Emotional Intelligence was one of those books for me. 📖🌿
Which book helped you recognise a strength you already carried?
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” — Daniel Goleman
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